Nithya's Top Tip: "If your goals are important enough on a spiritual level, the rest are just details."

In this week's Top Tip episode, Becky and Amy reflect on Nithya Prabu's recommendation for entrepreneurs and leaders to: 

• Be really clear of your values, purpose and goals;
• Make sure your goals track directly back to your purpose and values; and highlights that, 
• "If your goals are important enough on a spiritual level, the rest are just details."

We discuss:

• How goals should reflect purpose, and purpose be driven by values; and how all too often espoused values aren't reflected in an entrepreneur's or company's behaviours and actions.
• The importance of thinking through practically how your values play out in your business.
• How scaling a business can sometimes result in a mismatch between a founder's values and their team's interpretation of these.
• The power of reflective writing and how it can help you shift your perspective and thinking to build your self-esteem, resilience, and ultimately your wealth.
• How much fun goals are!

Nithya has published a range of books, including motivational poems. From her 2017 collection 'Lionness on Fire', Amy reads the opening to,

'The Universe and You'

You are not inferior. 
You're not negligible.
You are not an excuse.  

You are exclusive. 
You are significant to this world. 

You are an answer to the prayers 
of this universe, for a purpose
which you and you alone 
can accomplish.

The universe wants you,
desires you, demands you
to be here.

That, my love, is the reason
why you are here
in the first place.

Forget what others have 
to say about you.

Fall in love with you,
submit yourself to the universe
as it tries to work its way
through you.

We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we have.  We would love to hear your experiences with values, purpose, goals, reflective writing and any other distinctions you have taken from this podcast. Please connect with us on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter using the links below; and subscribe to The MindStyling podcast and newsletter.

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Host: Amy Armstrong
Website: https://amyarmstrongcoaching.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amyarmstrongcoach/
Instagram: www.instagram.com/amyarmstrongcoaching

Host: Dr Becky Sage
Instagram: www.instagram.com/drbeckysage
Twitter: www.twitter.com/becky_sage
Website: www.beckysage.com

About Nithya Prabu and Lurnable Ltd.
http://nithyaprabu.com/ - discover more of Nithya's poetry and insights
https://www.lurnable.com/ - on a mission to enable international students to make the right educational decisions

Supporting resources:
In this episode Amy references 'Essentialism: the disciplined pursuit of less' by Greg McKEown. (2014, Virgin Books). 

Transcript

Nithya Prabu's Top Tip: “If your goals are important enough on a spiritual level, the rest are just details."

The MindStyling Podcast: Episode 83

Mon, Oct 24, 2022 11:18AM • 20:12

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

values, reflecting, purpose, writing, listening, goals, bit, behaves, important, thinking, voices, founders, spiritual, resonate, set, entrepreneurs, amy, details, talking, people

SPEAKERS

Amy Armstrong, Dr Becky Sage

Amy Armstrong  00:03

Welcome to MindStyling, the podcast that explores how we can win the game inside our heads, and make a mark on this world in our own unique style, on our own terms.

Dr Becky Sage  00:15

We interview entrepreneurs and leaders who aren't afraid to push the boundaries and set their own definitions of success. We will share with you the tips and techniques they use to style their mind and give you the tools you need to start mind styling for yourself. Hello, and welcome to a new episode of MindStyling for Entrepreneurs. I'm Dr. Becky Sage.

Amy Armstrong  00:42

And I'm Amy Armstrong.

Dr Becky Sage  00:44

And today we are talking about Nithya's top tip, which is that "if your goals are important enough on a spiritual level, the rest are just details." Now, Amy, that was the exclamation mark on the end of the top tip. And you had a wonderful conversation with her. So could you explain a little bit more? What was behind that?

Amy Armstrong  01:11

Yes, Nithya's Top Tip. Nithya was just was talking about the importance of values, just so important to be clear of who you are and why you're showing up. So she said values, your purpose, and your goal. So your goals match your purpose, which is driven by your values. And she then wrapped it all up in that lovely quote, which she couldn't originate. But she just said she'd read somewhere. And I did have a little Google. And I think it's a derivation on Einstein - Einstein's reflection in which he said something along the lines of, "I just want to know God's thoughts, the rest are just the details". And this one is reflecting back on if your goals are important enough on a spiritual level, the rest are just details. And I think it's about actually are you resonating at your core with your what you're doing. And this is not just on a day to day basis, it's stacking up to your ultimate basis. And I think it's linking it all the way through. So what is it that's getting you out of bed? Is it soul-driven, really?

Dr Becky Sage  02:25

And of course some people who are listening might be like, 'What are you talking about spiritual level?' I don't associate with being spiritual necessarily, but I think you've just described it there in a really nice way, that idea of what's that, what's the energy that is driving you? Where does that spark, that ignition come from? That thing that maybe is more intangible and inside, but that you can articulate through your values into your purpose, ultimately into the goals. And, and of course, this isn't new, this idea of values, purpose, goals being really important for an entrepreneur. But there is something here that I think is quite interesting about the way she's linked the three together, because talking about the goals, reflecting the purpose, the purpose being driven by the values. All too often we see entrepreneurs saying, here's a set of values, or anyone you know, we see it in all sorts of institutions or organizations don't wait. Here's a set of values. And then you think I don't really understand how that is mirroring onto your behaviors onto your actions. And I think by tying it together with those goals, that's very interesting. And by being able to take your values and making sure that you're using them, actually, as part of your success metrics, what is it you're measuring, is what you're measuring related to those values related to the purpose.

Amy Armstrong  03:48

I agree. And it's interesting that playing out, in fact, one stage, I really enjoyed it, and I encourage many of my clients to do this, when we're looking at values, is actually thinking how they play out in real life. What does this actually mean to what I'm doing? I think it's as important. It's important to say I stand for something, when we say I stand for something, we then actually think I don't stand for that. And that's a clarity of thinking. It helps us weed out the essential. In fact, it's it's reminding me of Essentialism by can't remember the name, I'll put a link to it in the show notes. Because essentially, it's a very good book just about trying to drill down to what matters most to you. And that's what your values are, actually do your values play roles in everyday life everyday decisions.

Dr Becky Sage  04:48

Something we've worked with before is, is actually even saying what does it mean for each stakeholder, how you're interacting with them how they're going to behave, you know, so it becomes a way of forming your criteria in terms of who are you going to work with? How are you going to work with them? How do you know what good looks like? And so you set it out for what does that mean for how a founder behavior? What does it mean for how a team member behaves? What does it mean for how a collaborator or a client or you know, behaves? And, and I think that that's very interesting. But although again, and I know this, you know, the challenge that I then have with that is, how do you ensure that you go back to that, that it's not just an exercise, you do a point in time, but the you really are using it, as you're running your business is great to set the intention. But it's very easy to get lost in the day to day

Amy Armstrong  05:46

Absolutely, it's actually reminded me, I work with founders on their leadership style. And it's a really tough shift as you scale up your business. And as you start to employ more and more people. And you start to delegate, which you really need to if you're going to scale. So you've got to delegate and you've got to delegate important stuff, important decision making, you can't go micromanaging the details. You're going to have input into, of course, significant input into the big picture. But if your team just don't feel like quite hitting the nail on the head for you, ask have you communicated your values clearly enough? Have you as a team sat down and really thought through the implications? Assumptions are very easy to make when we're moving at pace, and it's when you're starting to go as a founder, 'I'm not sure that's quite right' Is it a sign that the other person is wrong? Or is it a sign that actually you just together, you haven't got on the same page yet, you've just got an opportunity, it's a gift, that that sort of gut instinct to actually go hang on a second, I think we haven't quite thought this through. And maybe we're not, maybe they think I think something else is more important. Let's just get back to the core.

Dr Becky Sage  07:18

And again, I think this comes back to the idea of creating values or setting up or writing your purpose or, you know, in a way that is again, paying lip service rather than really thinking about it because maybe it iterates actually, like maybe you write a set of values. And as you move forward, you're like, in fact, other people see this in a different way, or what I mean by Harmony isn't what somebody else means via harmony, or whatever it might be. And that piece about your instinct, what an amazing signal that is your gut, for when things when values are out of alignment, and that whether it be your personal values or the business values. And I think that what you just said there about that gut instinct kicking in? And then reflecting back on is this something to do with actually how we've communicated things. It's something that I resonate with a lot, I know full well where my gut kicks in, I may I might have alignment with or either I am or like the overall whatever situation is out of alignment with values. So then they become a great anchor point to go back to and say, are we behaving in this way? Are we doing what we said we were going to do? Why is this firing up? Perhaps those values aren't even a good description of what it is we're trying to do or where we're trying to get to. So I definitely resonate with that feeling. And I think I think it's really important for founders to be able to give themselves the space and the time I say founders actually like anyone or any, especially if you are in a leadership position to go, 'Oh, I'm feeling this right now. I know there's something not quite right, I'm going to step back, I'm going to listen to it, I'm going to maybe journal on it or I'm going to figure out what's going on however you choose to do that. Because I think it's just such a strong signal and is really necessary thing to do to carve out the time for yourself to examine that. And then to be able to examine that more widely with your team with the other people who are involved. That brings us beautifully to Nithya's writing actually. Because we were just reflecting off air. I was just sharing. One of Nithya's poems from her book 'Lioness on Fire'.  Even the title is amazing isn't it - 'Lioness on fire'? 

Amy Armstrong  09:55

Absolutely. Yes. And the way she writes is often this sort of juxtaposition of voices in her head, you know, the celebration and then the sort of put down. Here, just one poem that I happened to open at is 'The universe and You.' This opens with,  "You are not inferior. / You're not negligible. / You are not an excuse.  //  You are exclusive. You are significant to this world. // You are an answer to the prayers / of this universe, for a purpose // which you and you alone // can accomplish."  And it goes on, it's beautiful. But now, that's not a conversation. But she, she's answering a set of questions and thoughts that occur for so many of us, and that she is just connecting back to writing in that instance, through the art of reflection, when we can reflect on our own, we can reflect in pairs, in small groups, we can reflect with friends, with peers. We have just so many options here. Just coming back to listening to what is going on inside you. And then thinking about 'How can I get perspective on this? How can I reconnect to my purpose, to my core reason?'  Stop listening to the voices of doubt, and discontent and actually just reconnect to your fire.

Dr Becky Sage  11:33

And I have to say, thank you to Nithya, because you read that to me a little bit earlier, and I was like, this is exactly what I needed to hear today as well. And it's because sometimes we we can also minimize that instinct, can't we. We can minimize those voices and be like, Yeah, well, maybe I'm a bit wrong, or maybe you know, so and so thinks that we go this way, let's go this way, you know, and, or just the momentum of a situation can mean that you don't step back and give yourself that perspective. And I just think it's really wonderful to hear that and think, to come back and go, hang on a second, what was the point of this? Am I stressing about something that I don't even care about at this, at this point in time. And to your point about the third person thing, which is what we were discussing, and but what Nithya has written there is obviously kind of in the third person, I don't know if she was writing to herself, or if she was writing to someone else outside of that. But I actually find that very, very helpful as a process as well, in terms of my own reflection, if I'm able to write in the third person, it's almost like your challenge, channeling a voice from somewhere else. So it's not kind of it's coming from you, but it's not coming from you. And, and again, I feel like that's a really great way of giving that perspective. And also feeling a little bit like you're caring for yourself. So you're kind of you're channeling a voice from one part of you or from somewhere I don't know and into giving you your own advice. And so it's like there's a real self love, self care aspect to that. And I find that very, very helpful for building your wealth, building up your self esteem and building your resilience. It's a practice I like to try to do and I have not done recurrently for a little while, and I'm feeling but it seems interesting that we kind of picked up on that in terms of the way she writes. And then you're talking about that dialogue between different aspects of yourself of your experience. And yeah, the fact that she's been able to do her poetry, well, I'd be able to it sounds like it's really something that's helped her in the other aspects of her work.

Amy Armstrong  13:44

I love that use of perspective and that you can do some real fun with it if you're writing and actually Affirmations, which are really valuable tools in creating a connection back to your purpose and helping you reinvigorate what it means to live in your way, living authentically, leading from an authentic position. And I think it's really good if you.... I mean, let's just take a very straightforward affirmation. I am strong and confident. So you say I am strong and confident, then you say, Amy is strong and confident. You are strong, confident. All of them feel different. 

Dr Becky Sage  14:35

And I think that's where the third person writing came from for me because I've really struggled with the "I am" It always felt a little bit disconnected and a bit like, "sure I am whatever I'm strong and confident". But when I switch it into "Becky is strong and confident" it would feel strange to because it's - and of course I know that different things work for different people - but that would feel strange to me because I'm like, "hang on, you're just you're literally talking about yourself." Whereas "You are" - it somehow it just hits me in a different way. And so I think it that's definitely been through trial and error and through different practices that I've realized that that's something that works for me. Where some of those other like I said, those that "I am" type affirmations always felt a little bit disconnected. 

Amy Armstrong  15:30

And what I love, there is that invitation to explore what works for you. Because there are so many ways of doing this. And it's about finding your own personal path. And actually, just bringing it back to something, you know, bring it back something more concrete because Nithya has this wonderful combination between actually deeply spiritual - even though she specifically says I'm not connected to religion, I don't like to confine myself to labels really. So, but she is spiritual and very reflective. And then at the same time, she's incredibly competitive. She says, goals are fun.

Dr Becky Sage  16:12

Goals are fun! I was with her on that. When I heard it. I was like, yes, they are! They make things easier. They make things more enjoyable.

Amy Armstrong  16:23

You're gonna do it and then when you do you get a wonderful dopamine hit, and you feel good. And you're ticked it off, and all is good.

Dr Becky Sage  16:34

Yes, I did enjoy that. And it when she was talking about sports. And of course, well, I should say I was really sorry that I did miss this interview, I wasn't able to come to it. But it was just so lovely to listen to it back. And when she was talking about doing sports, and of course, that really resonates with me as well. And, and that sporting nature and, and there was something about I realized something as I was listening, which I think was an interesting reflection for me (but again, coming back to what works for you. And it might not be the same as what works for others) where I was thinking, "No, this discipline of sport is the easy part." You know, this idea that like - because that was sort of coming through what she was saying - that having the goal, getting up and doing whatever work it is you're doing, that's the easy part.  If you don't have those goals, you don't have that bigger purpose. That makes it harder. And I also really resonated with that too, with this idea. And it's something that I always come back to. And I think again, it's by examining what your leadership style is, what your own personal working style is, or your own motivational needs are. But that was really fun for me to listen to as well and think, "Yes, me too!" Yeah, I love the discipline of it. Let's get more of that built into stuff.

Amy Armstrong  18:07

If we were to take any learnings all the way from this top tip, I think I need a bit more fun. There you go. This week, I know I've got a ton of to do. But actually, I'm going to have something that exciting and stretching to achieve by the end of this week. I reckon. 

Dr Becky Sage  18:28

I've been reflecting on this all through the weekend. Because recently I've been really allowing other people's goals, other people's boundaries, or purpose to be the guiding force and really noticed that impacting on me. And so I've been, you know, I've had a lot on my plate and been saying yes to a lot of things, and sort of compromising, which is fine in some contexts, but it's not in others. And I think listening again, coming back to this piece of doing it your way, there were lots of things that just lit me up in terms of like said that, the discipline piece, the idea that, you know, values have to be connected to the goals or to the actions and the also the piece about you know, being competitive and having your own fire and I think that it was just another reminder, sometimes you need more of these reminders of how you've got to get back to you. You've got to centre yourself back on you. And I will be writing more frequently. Thanks to Nithya as well so that's there's a lot that I took away from this one.

Amy Armstrong  19:38

Brilliant. Well thank you. And lovely listeners, please share with us what you take away from this? What distinctions have you made today? What promises have you reconnected to? Thanks for listening.  So we can't always control the situations that are going on outside of us. But we can be in control of how we react to their situation

Dr Becky Sage  20:03

and that is what MindStyling is all about